The Involuntary Detoxification

Many workers in Nairobi like to treat themselves to an expensive meal from time to time and we were not any different. Across the road from Babylon base, there was a restaurant which was operated by a cheerful middle-aged lady. She would always be positioned at the door welcoming the diners and shouting orders to the army of waiters. The restaurant was in a building which had been previously used as some British settler's residence. It was a lovely wooden house which was now painted brilliant white both inside and out. The restaurant did not have a name. We used to refer to it as the Mama Customer's Place. This was inspired by her popular greeting as anybody entered the restaurant – “Karibu Customer!” (meaning, Welcome Customer!)

Mama Customer's place was not particularly high class by common standards. To us however, it had five star status in comparison to the dingy joints we frequented during normal days. This was the time before illegal structures were demolished by the Nairobi City Council. The place we usually went to was an iron sheet shack constructed over a road side trench. One could look through the cracks in the wooden floor to see the huge field rats jostling for the morsels which fell through. It was one place where we encouraged each other to manage our expectations. What took us there were the pocket friendly prices. We always looked forward to the time we would go for our monthly treat (It normally happened after payday).

Due to the nature of our work, it was virtually impossible to have a meal together as when one car came back to base, another one would leave. It would be several months before we got a quorum to have a meal together. This mainly happened at night when no restaurant would be open. On this particular day however, we were in luck. Only one guy was away and so we locked our cars and crossed the road to Mama Customer's place. We were six and after the usual pleasantries, we occupied one table. We all ordered chicken since we considered it to be the single most elegant dish for humble taxi drivers who had just been paid.

As I was eating, I realized that Mama Customer's chicken did not taste as fresh as it usually did. I only ate a small piece and could not continue. I took vegetables instead. My colleagues really dug in and were done in no time at all. I was left behind as always happened to me since am a slow eater. We all went back to work and it was quite busy up till late in the evening. When we reassembled at night, each of us had embarrassing stories of impromptu diarrhea and having to leave clients in the car to attend to the loose bowels. The guy who had missed the lunch date was really enjoying the stories and probably silently thanking God for missing out on the drama. I was not so lucky as I was affected even after the few bites.

It was rather unfortunate for us that the incontinence did not end with the day. On the contrary, it progressed right through the night. One inconvenience we had was the fact that the toilets in the shopping mall were located on the first floor. In addition to this, the escalators were usually switched off at night. Using the stairs was not going to be a viable option. We pleaded with the security men to switch on the escalators for us and they were kind enough to oblige. At any one time for the rest of the night, there were two of us on the escalators – one going up, and the other going down. These were not enjoyable escalator rides and there were no acknowledging hand waves. There were only downcast faces of wonder of how soon the next ride would be.

By the time we signed off in the morning, all of us with the exception of the lucky guy, had visibly lost weight. Needless to say, we never went back to Mama Customer's place. We heard that a lot of people got sick that day from eating stale chicken. She even got a few nasty law suits, but not from us. From there it was downhill for her business. A few months later, in an unfortunate turn of events, the restaurant burnt down from a supposed electrical fault. Even after detoxifying us involuntarily, I was really sad for her.